Uncertainty…

…motivates us to look for answers, understanding and the safety of the known.

Whether it’s about our health or our finances or our relationships, uncertainty about the future can inspire worry, stress and anxiety. With anxiety being a recurrent issue for so many, finding paths to deal with uncertainty is a beneficial trait to have. Anxiety: “Excessive worry about real or perceived threats. Unnecessary fear of a possible but uncertain future event.”

We don’t know these future events are going to happen at all. We don’t know there really is anything to fear. If we know something is going to happen (a test to be taken, an upcoming physical challenge to be faced, a relationship breakup announced, being fired from a job, etc.), we will respond with adrenalin, flight or fight responses and problem-solving strategies. It’s the uncertainty that provokes anxiety. The remedy is reality.

Belief in some comforting order or energy is helpful for many. But for some, it’s not. There are many things we can believe in but can’t really know. When we know something factual, we include reality as the antidote to calm our anxiety. We then have no need for belief or faith to try to deal with uncertainty. Knowledge and faith are opposites.

Changes, whether self-directed or imposed on us, often put us in uncertain territory. While this can be disconcerting, it’s not necessarily going to lead to anything negative. In most situations, even tragic ones, changes still have a 50/50 chance of turning out at least okay. Often, in the most unlikely way, changes actually improve us as we rise to face yet another challenge in our full life. Avoiding changes is not only impossible and a fearful position to take, but also restricts us from growing during our time here. We just don’t know what awaits us tomorrow. The sooner we Accept that fact, the sooner we learn to Adapt as a survival skill, and the sooner we can fully live with Appreciation of all this short, short life of changes has to offer.

Which brings me to the following segue: Living solo. Living by oneself. I’m purposely not using “living single” because that conjures visions of those happy, attractive, young people drinking beer and having unlimited fun in commercials. Not talking about them. I’m talking about living alone, which is not to be confused with living a lonely life either. Due to unwanted circumstances or by choice, living solo is the fastest growing segment of the population in developed countries.

If you know someone (or are someone) in the not-by-choice category, some solace may be found in focusing on the facts and the reality of the uncertain life ahead. This isn’t being offered as an antidote to grief which must be dealt with, but as considerations after being overwhelmed, after acceptance of the current situation, when adapting has to be faced.

Thirty percent of the U.S. population currently lives by themselves. We are the only certain companion we’ll have forever. While friends and family will become more valued, being friendly with ourselves is the most important trait to develop. This is an opportunity to do that.

Suggestions: spend time in sunlight. New daily physical and mental activities can be prioritized and scheduled. For instance, have a designated time for meditation or prayer — depending on your personal metaphysics. New routines or rituals give us an increased sense of control which is needed for comfort during times of uncertainty. A professional counselor/therapist can be helpful in establishing emotional equilibrium. Likewise, a professional financial advisor can offer essential guidance in short and long-term money matters.

While you may not have sought it, personal freedom and expression are now woven into everything you are and everything you choose to do. That’s a positive opportunity to grow as a person. Embrace it and you may find that uncertainty combined with patience often results in the discovery of unanticipated new values.