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A lot of sports are all about the fourth quarter. That’s when the deciding factors become more pronounced. Everything prior was preparatory; now it all has to be put to use. Well, I’m suggesting some of us are in that fourth quarter of our lives. And for those who aren’t, listen up: This is a great place to be.
Those middle years are where all the stress was. Those were the achievement years. We were busy trying to balance careers, aging parents, growing children, financial pressures, considering vocation changes before it’s too late, our bodies changing, empty nests leaving us just one-to-one which for many is a bit lonely, learning to let go of our children as they move into their adulthood, and we also became aware that all our dreams and goals may not be met. We were still trying to improve everything we could during our short, short time here.
The fourth quarter is much different. I’ve been paying attention for a long time and there are still way more questions than absolute answers. So there is much, much more to learn if we keep a realistic appraisal of how much we really don’t understand. We’re in a stage of life that’s more about internal understanding. Those middle years were externally focused and now we can take some time to know ourselves better. We transition from doing to being.
Joy! Which previously implied energetic enthusiasm and excitement, can now be found in a quiet calmness, reflection and appreciation of all we have. Simply, living in the most comfortable and plentiful situation in centuries of human history. If intuition is, as I define it, accumulated sense data, we now have enough experience to trust ours more. This is a Viewpoint column, not an advice column, but I’m going to share some fourth quarter Views I’ve shared with others and have received good feedback.
- Most psychologists/therapists will agree (OK, I’ve not surveyed but stay with me here) that in many areas of our lives it’s better to not spend much time comparing. Comparing what, you may ask. Anything. If we’re comparing, we’re not experiencing whatever it is. Well, in our fourth quarter that takes on a brand-new dimension. Don’t compare yourself to yourself when you were, say, 25 years younger. As in, “I used to be able to…”. This is not a positive point of view.
- We should want to bury our parents as part of a responsible full life. This may sound harsh but think about it. The alternative is not what we, or they, want. When that time comes, as it has for many of us, as tough as it is, seeing it this way can offer some comfort of correct order.
- An additional aspect of this fourth quarter though is the loss of friends. The ones who’ve died. Sometimes it seems like the longer we live, the more we lose. Ah, but if that sounds a bit depressing, try this as an Rx: it only looks that way if we think of ourselves as the center of this incomprehensively vast universe. If we (more accurately) see our lives as the equivalent of one drop of water going over Niagara Falls, not as inconsequential, but as part of something much more, acceptance becomes real and natural.
In closing, I’ve found that time with good friends and family, my dog’s enthusiastic greetings, a comfortable pair of old jeans, good music, watching clients improve, the change of seasons we have here in Virginia, simple pleasures, all combine to make these fourth quarter years ones I’m Thankful for every day! Hope you are, or will be, too.